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Recent Movie Reviews

Fucking Kids! Fucking Kids!

Rated 5 / 5 stars

Fuck the kids


Put that shit on paper. You did one better. You put that shit on digital paper. A digital flipbook. And I pressed play on that digital flipbook and reaffirmed my own negative thoughts about Halloween and how our entire culture reveres children all year long while i'm getting fucked in MY ass with bills and rent.

I'm only being sort of serious. Serious in the sense that someone could in fact take this as a political message. When in reality it is a just about a man, presumably yourself, beating up a child-like depiction of Jim Carey. Which brings me to my ultimate point, and the obvious point of your flash.

The Mask was a shitty fucking movie. Lets be honest here people, Jim Carey was rarely if ever funny. The best character in the entire movie was the dog, and they even had to go and ruin that by adding the obnoxious and heinously dressed MASK character TO the dog. Creating some sort of hybrid of uncomic foolishness and a disaster of 1990's graphics technology. I want to fuck New Line Cinema in the ass after viewing it. And DID YOU KNOW, that it was nominated for an OSCAR for BEST VISUAL EFFECTS? What in the name of all that is fuck.

I'm being mostly serious now. The Mask really was not a good movie, but obviously this flash movie has a point. And that point is..

There is no fucking point. There isn't supposed to be a fucking point. I hate having to get up 70 times a night and give some snot nosed mother fucker some of MY candy just because he dressed up like a little miniature version of something I hate. And sometimes in my head I think about going out there and smashing their skulls in, perhaps raping a few. It's a fleeting thought, i'm not a god damned maniac, but at least i'm smart enough to remember and recognize my fleeting thoughts. This is an entire MOVIE of a fleeting thought most people would simply brush away in milliseconds.

I've drawn the conclusion that I have a lot of anger on the basis of this review considering I quite enjoyed this movie. I simply dislike Jim Carey's body of work and dislike anyone who would be discouraged by your flashes on the basis that there is no particular thought other than shock value. Creativity to some people is in the form of stained glass on a church window or a bunch of fucking rainbow butterflies or some stupid shit.

Review in a nutshell:


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Catoblepas responds:

It is great to vent your anger through internet flash animation reviews rather than just punching pillows. The best way, tho would be raping little children. Trust me, it really makes you feel like a man! A man's MAN!

Blush Your Teeth Blush Your Teeth

Rated 5 / 5 stars

What can I say

I watch this movie twice a day.

That's quite okay, i'm a bit fucked myself you might say. I'm also not planning on rhyming throughout this entire review. I'm not exactly sure what it is about this flash movie that has me so intrigued, but I think in all honesty it reminds me of my dreams. If one were to cartoonify and film the inside of my mind, something like this would most certainly be there on a nightly basis. How you managed to actually portray this not only in the sense of DRAWING it but the actual animation, (complete with wobbly buildings, occasional extra limbs, and blood and guts and sugarplumb rainbows) is completely astounding.

One of the things that I find common in some of your movies, and the one aspect that really creates the dreamlike feel is the constant inclusion of unnecessary plot points. The direction of the flash, and of the "main characters" so to speak seems to change so rapidly that by the time my brain processes the next task i.e (free liquor) i've already forgotten the first. That's what dreams are like, a never-ending series of problems. These things really should be stressful, and Bl(r)ush Your Teeth is no exception to that.

Of course, there's the other side. The side that always seems to watch your flashes when i'm extremely blitzed out of my mind. The correlation between drug use and something with such a high degree of creativity will always be in question. All I can say is

send me the shit you're eating

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The Ugly Duck The Ugly Duck

Rated 4.5 / 5 stars

Good show, Jeremy

Your work is almost invariably entertaining, and you don't fail to disappoint with this piece. I am usually quite picky with the movies I review, but I felt compelled to write one for this particular movie.

As far as aesthetics go, the graphics were quite well drawn. Although there seemed to be a few frame-rate issues, most of it was probably due to my lackluster computer. The faces of the characters were visually haunting, and the feeling of utter dismay was conveyed through the art.

The sound seemed to be a page right out of Firth's book, which is certainly something you've been compared to quite often if my memory serves me. The dull sound effect made when the "father" is punching the baby was accurate enough to make me cringe, or at least that's what I could imagine the sound to be like. The violence, although it was a short flick, was certainly graphic and somewhat disturbing. And unlike a vast majority of your films, there seemed to be a complete lack of humor. But the lack was well suited to the atmosphere of the film, I must admit.

As for the movie as a whole, it was done quite well. The sound and imagery tied in perfectly to create a dreary and hopeless ambience within my mind. The message of the film seemed to put the moral of the old children's book to rest, as the "ugly" duckling did not grow in to a beautiful swan, rather a tormented and depressed hollow shell of a being. The idea that somebody could emerge from a terrible childhood into a blissful adulthood, although an inspiring tale, would certainly only be believable by children. And as frightening as it may be, this was a much more accurate account of what life may turn out to be for someone as unfortunate as the main character. Such a story has been told countless times on the more disturbing Oprah shows, and A&E murder documentaries.

The film kept me captivated and mystified for the few moments that it lasted, and I certainly regret that most movies that pass through the portal are not as... engaging. It's always a refreshing change to watch a film that actually motivates one to continue contemplating and wondering, even after the movie has ended. And I am glad to say that this is one of the few movies I've viewed this month that actually made me do so. I always look forward to your work Jeremy, and I can't wait for another one of your films. Although next time, i'd prefer it be a more humorous story, rather than this dark tale of anguish and sorrow.


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JeremyLokken responds:

Thanks for your honest review Canas. Nice to see you again. I'm working on some comedies, but nothing out soon.

Recent Game Reviews

Pothead Zombies Pothead Zombies

Rated 2.5 / 5 stars

Lacks inspiration

This is truly a game that lacks any kind of imagination or creativity. It's a simple point and click tower defense shooter, and really adds nothing to this tired old formula. The storyline is strange and unnecessary, and the convoluted political message seems to overshadow this already shallow game. The glitches in the later stages completely ruin any small modicum of fun that was slowly accumulating over the tedious first ten levels. And the music and sound effects were bland and really didn't stand out at all.

You know, it's almost as if your creativity is stifled.. like when you were creating this you had no imagination whatsoever. It was as if you couldn't possibly think outside the box, or open your mind to any fresh and new ideas. If only there was a way you could EXPAND your creativity temporarily, you know? Like.. if there was something you could do to make your ideas more unique.. just for a short period of time. That way, you wouldn't be creating the same tired old game we've all been playing since 2001. If only there was a way to find some inspiration, and truly create something unique and entertaining by unlocking the power in your own mind for an hour or so.

Oh well. I guess there's nothing that can be done. I hope you and your life partner enjoy all the breathable air you can have living inside the narrow-minded little bubble you've created. Good luck with your future flash creation, solid effort!

Snailiad Snailiad

Rated 5 / 5 stars

Quirky, charming, just downright fun

The perfect throwback to old platform gaming. Nothing to complicated, and not much of an emphasis on graphics, but that's the whole point isn't it?

I was intrinsically reminded of NES/SNES generation titles and the wave of nostalgia that came with it was nearly overwhelming. The controls, although incredibly simple, seemed to do a number on my brain at first. I found myself constantly jumping when I meant to shoot. But alas, that was more a problem of my own brain rather than a flaw of the game itself. The gravity snail addition was brilliant, although I must admit it was introduced perhaps a little too early in the game. It seemed completely unnecessary that I would need to go around corners after I was already able to practically fly through the air. Eventually I became so sufficient using the Gravity Snail that I literally never ended up touching walls in the final battle.

The charm of the game is what really drew me in. The snails are hilarious, and just the entire idea of a snail-driven story with a snail protagonist is so insanely adorable that I had a gleeful ":3" smile the entire playthrough.

And I can't forget the music. Absolutely loved it. I found myself humming the little tunes days after playing for the first time.

Very well done, I look forward to more of your work and it will be interesting to see if you can manage to top this masterpiece.

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V-tech Rampage V-tech Rampage

Rated 2.5 / 5 stars

Freedom of speech is hardly the issue

Immediately following the massacre at V-Tech, I knew it was only a matter of time before some self-loving "freedom musketeer" made a game in an attempt to prove some sort of point. Sure enough, you stepped in and delivered a bland and tasteless game riddled with spelling mistakes and racial slurs.

Now, the game itself wasn't entertaining, as if the simplistic controls of "S = talk, A = shoot" weren't a big enough clue to its shallow gameplay. Perhaps the only decent aspect of the game was that you had to follow the storyline, and the combination of "stealth" with the rampage made it a tad more challenging. The sound was one-dimensional, and the choice of music seemed completely puzzling. As for the violence, well, there certainly was some. Yet somehow you managed to make a violent massacre look and feel boring.

As for your message of "freedom of speech", I really don't think that is what you're concerned about. Clearly, the only purpose of this game was for you to get news coverage so you could pretend to be some sort of "super-hero" for freedom. Obviously I don't feel that the game should be taken down, but it certainly shouldn't receive any press coverage, nor should you think of yourself as anything more than an attention whore. I'm quite sure any remotely talented author on Newgrounds could make a movie about car bombings or Muhammed, yet I always figured that these movies weren't created because the authors had a little more self-respect. I'm certainly not saying that these issues should never be discussed, nor am I saying that tragedies should be off-limts for this sort of thing. Yet you managed to camouflage a pathetic ploy for attention it to some sort of "freedom of speech" issue. I do hope you realize that not everybody fell for your shallow excuse, and many do see that underlying immaturity behind it all. One could argue that this isn't the first time a sensitive issue has been glorified in this way, as the Columbine massacre game garnered a dick-load of controversy after it was created. But I imagine that it was your intention to do exactly the same, and perhaps a few well-known constitution-spinning douchebags would come to your defense on the news, thus labeling you as some sort of freedom fighter.

Unfortunately, it seems your fifteen minutes of fame have passed, and by the end of the day you won't be know as "Ryan Lambourn, the 21-year-old activist", rather "that douchebag kid who made the game about V-Tech just to get on the news".

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PiGPEN responds:

You dont understand the music choice because you know absolutely nothing about Seung-Hui Cho. You need to write less and read more fucktard.

Also play some god-damned NES games...2 action buttons is more than enough.

Recent Audio Reviews

Whithered Yard Whithered Yard

Rated 4.5 / 5 stars

Eerie, unsettling, and composed beautifully. It's a thick song; a lot of individual elements come together to paint this picture, and the end result is great. Could easily see this as introductory music to a haunted house, perhaps a boss battle with an uncertain ghastly opponent. Good work! Keep getting over that writer's block my friend!

Romos - Locust Romos - Locust

Rated 5 / 5 stars

Sopping wet intro, build up was pretty excellent. Sampling was flawless, transitions were complicated and expertly introduced. Really dug the breakdown around the 2:15 mark, the water effects are particularly infatuating.

Gorgeous soundscape, however I think the bassline is a bit shallow and it could use a little more thumping. This is definitely worthy of the club however, I hope you've got live shows on the go homeslice!

Romos responds:

Thanks, haha I wish I had gigs but I'm only 14 :/


Rated 5 / 5 stars

Very cool, quite uncertain where the direction was headed off the bat, it seemed like a tune destined for a relatively relaxing BPM, but the pace picked up beautifully. Flawless drop around the 1:20 mark, and honestly, everything sounds great. I think you could probably stretch it out for another minute or so and give it that 'proper song' treatment. But no matter, I think it's quite perfect.

xxxZigZagxxx responds:

Thanks Canas. Loving your encouragement.

It tends to be the way that I don't make "proper songs" anymore lol. Most of my songs hit under the 3min mark for some reason. Maybe because I don't flesh it out further? lol. Oh well, thanks for the feedback :) You're cool.


Recent Art Reviews

Pico Pixxx Pico Pixxx

Rated 5 / 5 stars

I dig this man

I dig it a lot. Love the psychedelic style, the infusion of all the colors, and the little Newgrounds related inside jokes all over. It's my desktop background and i've been admiring you from a distance for quite some time because of it. Fantabulous work old chum bum

Lindsey Zombie Lindsey Zombie

Rated 4.5 / 5 stars

always been a fan jer jers

exceptionally disgusting. I always felt there wasn't enough representation when it came to upper class zombies. Too many middle class black men in full blue jumpsuits

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Project: 9Haze; #8 out of 9. Project: 9Haze; #8 out of 9.

Rated 4.5 / 5 stars


This is the sort of thing I end up drawing when i'm ripped out of my mind at 3 in the morning, only it doesn't turn out as nicely as yours did. Love it.

Sate responds:

I think I found a new friend.
What I like to do is drink some Nyquil and just wait for it to kick in and I just draw and draw till I don't feel tired but heavy headed, I DON'T RECOMMEND TAKING NYQUIL JUST FOR FUN THOUGH! Only on the ocassion that I was sick I did it, but hell this takes alot of discipline and time, effort, etc to put in man.