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Fucking Kids! Fucking Kids!

Rated 5 / 5 stars

Fuck the kids


Put that shit on paper. You did one better. You put that shit on digital paper. A digital flipbook. And I pressed play on that digital flipbook and reaffirmed my own negative thoughts about Halloween and how our entire culture reveres children all year long while i'm getting fucked in MY ass with bills and rent.

I'm only being sort of serious. Serious in the sense that someone could in fact take this as a political message. When in reality it is a just about a man, presumably yourself, beating up a child-like depiction of Jim Carey. Which brings me to my ultimate point, and the obvious point of your flash.

The Mask was a shitty fucking movie. Lets be honest here people, Jim Carey was rarely if ever funny. The best character in the entire movie was the dog, and they even had to go and ruin that by adding the obnoxious and heinously dressed MASK character TO the dog. Creating some sort of hybrid of uncomic foolishness and a disaster of 1990's graphics technology. I want to fuck New Line Cinema in the ass after viewing it. And DID YOU KNOW, that it was nominated for an OSCAR for BEST VISUAL EFFECTS? What in the name of all that is fuck.

I'm being mostly serious now. The Mask really was not a good movie, but obviously this flash movie has a point. And that point is..

There is no fucking point. There isn't supposed to be a fucking point. I hate having to get up 70 times a night and give some snot nosed mother fucker some of MY candy just because he dressed up like a little miniature version of something I hate. And sometimes in my head I think about going out there and smashing their skulls in, perhaps raping a few. It's a fleeting thought, i'm not a god damned maniac, but at least i'm smart enough to remember and recognize my fleeting thoughts. This is an entire MOVIE of a fleeting thought most people would simply brush away in milliseconds.

I've drawn the conclusion that I have a lot of anger on the basis of this review considering I quite enjoyed this movie. I simply dislike Jim Carey's body of work and dislike anyone who would be discouraged by your flashes on the basis that there is no particular thought other than shock value. Creativity to some people is in the form of stained glass on a church window or a bunch of fucking rainbow butterflies or some stupid shit.

Review in a nutshell:


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Catoblepas responds:

It is great to vent your anger through internet flash animation reviews rather than just punching pillows. The best way, tho would be raping little children. Trust me, it really makes you feel like a man! A man's MAN!

Blush Your Teeth Blush Your Teeth

Rated 5 / 5 stars

What can I say

I watch this movie twice a day.

That's quite okay, i'm a bit fucked myself you might say. I'm also not planning on rhyming throughout this entire review. I'm not exactly sure what it is about this flash movie that has me so intrigued, but I think in all honesty it reminds me of my dreams. If one were to cartoonify and film the inside of my mind, something like this would most certainly be there on a nightly basis. How you managed to actually portray this not only in the sense of DRAWING it but the actual animation, (complete with wobbly buildings, occasional extra limbs, and blood and guts and sugarplumb rainbows) is completely astounding.

One of the things that I find common in some of your movies, and the one aspect that really creates the dreamlike feel is the constant inclusion of unnecessary plot points. The direction of the flash, and of the "main characters" so to speak seems to change so rapidly that by the time my brain processes the next task i.e (free liquor) i've already forgotten the first. That's what dreams are like, a never-ending series of problems. These things really should be stressful, and Bl(r)ush Your Teeth is no exception to that.

Of course, there's the other side. The side that always seems to watch your flashes when i'm extremely blitzed out of my mind. The correlation between drug use and something with such a high degree of creativity will always be in question. All I can say is

send me the shit you're eating

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The Ugly Duck The Ugly Duck

Rated 4.5 / 5 stars

Good show, Jeremy

Your work is almost invariably entertaining, and you don't fail to disappoint with this piece. I am usually quite picky with the movies I review, but I felt compelled to write one for this particular movie.

As far as aesthetics go, the graphics were quite well drawn. Although there seemed to be a few frame-rate issues, most of it was probably due to my lackluster computer. The faces of the characters were visually haunting, and the feeling of utter dismay was conveyed through the art.

The sound seemed to be a page right out of Firth's book, which is certainly something you've been compared to quite often if my memory serves me. The dull sound effect made when the "father" is punching the baby was accurate enough to make me cringe, or at least that's what I could imagine the sound to be like. The violence, although it was a short flick, was certainly graphic and somewhat disturbing. And unlike a vast majority of your films, there seemed to be a complete lack of humor. But the lack was well suited to the atmosphere of the film, I must admit.

As for the movie as a whole, it was done quite well. The sound and imagery tied in perfectly to create a dreary and hopeless ambience within my mind. The message of the film seemed to put the moral of the old children's book to rest, as the "ugly" duckling did not grow in to a beautiful swan, rather a tormented and depressed hollow shell of a being. The idea that somebody could emerge from a terrible childhood into a blissful adulthood, although an inspiring tale, would certainly only be believable by children. And as frightening as it may be, this was a much more accurate account of what life may turn out to be for someone as unfortunate as the main character. Such a story has been told countless times on the more disturbing Oprah shows, and A&E murder documentaries.

The film kept me captivated and mystified for the few moments that it lasted, and I certainly regret that most movies that pass through the portal are not as... engaging. It's always a refreshing change to watch a film that actually motivates one to continue contemplating and wondering, even after the movie has ended. And I am glad to say that this is one of the few movies I've viewed this month that actually made me do so. I always look forward to your work Jeremy, and I can't wait for another one of your films. Although next time, i'd prefer it be a more humorous story, rather than this dark tale of anguish and sorrow.


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JeremyLokken responds:

Thanks for your honest review Canas. Nice to see you again. I'm working on some comedies, but nothing out soon.

The White, The Black The White, The Black

Rated 5 / 5 stars

Brilliantly done

First off, let me say that i've always been a fan of your work. Your flash movies are one of the few reasons I still remain even bothering to go to the portal. This flash, was certainly no exception to your past brilliance.

The graphics, although not the best on the site, were done flawlessly in accordance with your style. The atmosphere generated from the cartoonish feel was palpable, and I can't imagine having it being any more perfect. The style, as I stated before, was unique to you. And for some reason it triggered a nostalgia of older flash movies, a feeling I haven't felt in a long while.

As for the sound, it was absolutely perfect. The music accented the entire movie, and high-low pitches were used to a brilliant extent, as the sounds really seemed to fit the movie. The violence gave it a darker feel, as it certainly wasn't a movie for children. And once again it fit in perfectly with the rest of the movie. There were slight tidbits of humor, yet most of it was dark. Overall, you really made managed to blow me away by uniting all my sense possible in perfect harmony with eachother.

The political undertones of the movie are most certainly notable. The chess players, who could represent government, could really care less whether or not their pawns (soldiers) die, as it is only a game to them. Eventually, as a result of one act (black soldier beheading the white soldier), the entire kingdoms break out in war, including the chess players themselves. Although the movie is more artistic as opposed to preachy, there certainly are a few little messages within the film that can be interpreted in many different ways. One of the things that makes this movie so good, is that everybody will view it differently, and gauge their own reaction as a result of what they are seeing and hearing.

Overall, this was one of the greatest and most brilliant flash movies I have ever viewed. The animation and audio worked together flawlessly, and the violence contributed to the dark atmosphere and the true message of the film. Many play little metaphorical games of chess throughout their lives, oblivious to the effects they are having on others. Governments fool around with pawns when simple negotiation would be more effective, and less fatal. And many do not realize who the true enemy is, as stated in your author's message. My words can hardly describe how well-done this flash was in whole, but obviously i've tried to make an attempt at doing so. All in all, you did a fantastic job, and you managed to capture my thoughts and imagination for far longer than anything else has in the past few months.

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Scarydoll responds:

Thank you! My 14 months old daughter enjoys watching it, though )))

Men From Up The Stairs Men From Up The Stairs

Rated 4.5 / 5 stars

A lovely short.

It was nothing short of what I was expecting from you, either.

The graphics were spot on as usual, but I see you added a few little tweaks to your regular animation style. The addition of gums along the teeth of the characters was visible, and a few new actions (such as the moment when the man spat or blew air out the doorframe) were also noticed by myself. The ambient noise or "music" that you usually have accompanying your flashes was once again present, and some of the dry possibly unintentional humor had me smirking a few times.

As a viewer, one might ask oneself what the purpose of the movie was. Whether or not there was a greater meaning behind the strange storyline, or possibly a metaphorical purpose. I also found myself pondering the meaning behind the film while I was watching, and the feelings that were supposed to have been portrayed. But honestly, I really don't think there was a "hidden message" at all. It was simply a random script that may have been recreated from a dream or possibly a drug induced delusion. Regardless, I believe that not even you know the precise reasoning behind the plot, which makes the flick all the better.

You manage to involve all of your viewers into your films, which I find quite remarkable. Almost everybody has their own personal relation or reaction to your flashes, be it negative, positive, or even nostalgic. Your viewers all perceive the plotlines in their own individual way, which is really a show of talent. I've been watching your films since you first debuted on Newgrounds, and I must say that I feel a near personal connection on almost everyone I view. You've managed to develop a strange relationship with your fans, and your few enemies, one that seems to emanate your persona to all who take the time to watch.

Your flash career has been nothing short of remarkable at this point in time, as you've managed to master several spheres in the emotional spectrum with five minute long cartoons. Your comedy, be it Burnt Face Man or JerryJackson, is great. And your more serious or strange cartoons are always intriguing.

I hate to sound like some sort of insane fan that built a shrine of Salad Fingers in my closet, but your work really is inspiring to many. I suppose i'm no different than the floods of fanboys you have voting five on all your flashes, but I do mean it when I say that what you do is genius.

If you could continue making these short cartoons, I would greatly look forward to your next idea. But don't forget to add to your other series', as some of your fans may be impatient without their semi-annual dosage of Salad Fingers and Burnt Face Man. It's hard to keep everybody happy, but you've already done so for quite a long while.


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The Latest Model The Latest Model

Rated 4.5 / 5 stars

Ah, excellent

You did a wonderful job with this one, Mr. Firth. I find that greyscale films or.. "noir" as they are more commonly known usually capture an essense of ambience that cannot be achieved using basic color. You used your abilities to find strange music to the perfect extent once again, and I thought it fit perfectly with the story.

The writing was done very well. Although it was short, i felt that the dialogue was bang-on. The similarities between today's society and your film are not noticeable at first, but it becomes quite obvious when one begins to really think of the message. The warheads seemed to represent a ridiculous fad along the lines of "pokemon" or "yugioh" or whatever the hell these kids are collecting. The strive to have the best of the best is quite evident amongst the fads of today, and I thought you displayed it perfectly.

There were some humorous subtleties that really made this a great short film. The interviewer's arm is peoportional in the first interview, but it later extends to a freakish length for the second one. I'm sure very few managed to notice things like this, but the added effort really makes it that much better.

The fact that this fad was abused to the extent of physical harm also relates well. Too often society seems to miss how "dangerous" things are until one tradegy or one crazy person goes to far. Soon after, the media begins a sort of "anti" campaign against said item, until the government places restrictions. All of which you had in your movie.

All in all, I thought the message was great. You managed to present a valid observation in "under a meg." The absence of color worked perfectly, and the music seemed to really make me feel that I was having a strange dream as opposed to watching a flash. You also managed to poke a little fun at how it is so important these days to have the best of the best, and those who don't are clearly shunned.

I'm glad you decided to do a short film. Your creativity was obviously much easier to express, yet it still had your distinct style. Hopefully, you will make more movies like this. Despite how some of the younger users only crave carbon copies of "Burnt Face Man" and "Salad Fingers". Obviously, limiting your horizons. Assuming you read you reviews, thanks for your time. And whomever else is reading this, I hope you will find my review to much more helpful than "IT WUZ AWESOME. 10", or something along those lines that I am sure someone wrote.


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Burnt Face Man 6 Burnt Face Man 6

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars

Another good submission...

I always look foward to your comedies, and your movies in general. Along with the majority of the viewers, I usually find them quite entertaining. The ideas portrayed are mostly quite random, and done very well considering that you come up with everything by yourself. You do not have a committee of writers at your disposal, which really makes your achievements much more noteworthy.

Despite your obvious success, and how well this series has done, once in a while you seem to run into a writers block of sorts. It feels as if you were more focused on getting it done, instead of taking your time to come up with more jokes. I've noticed the same thing when watching Salad Fingers, there is a poor episode between great ones.

I am not saying that this movie wasn't entirely "unfunny", as I did find myself chuckling a few times, but I did find it significantly less humourous than some of the others. I enjoyed how you changed around the plot a bit, and how the announcer become more than just a narrator. But I think you may want to stray away from this title for a bit.

"Variety is the spice of life", I don't know what old granny said that, but it rings true here. Often, even in television, artists or producers will take the public interest too far. As a result, they pump out more and more shows without realizing that the effect on the viewers is dimming. Now, you have made a few series' on newgrounds, and each one seems to attract a different sense of hype. I suggest that instead of doing four or more different movies per series, that you make shorter and more abstract stories that leave the window open for a sequel in the distant future. This way, your creativity can really be expressed within new boundaries, instead of having to stick to a few characters. With you talent for finding strange and bizarre music, you may be able to make a lot more Salad Fingers-esque shock films.

I'm not asking you to take my advice, i'm merely trying to offer a different opinion from a long time fan's point of view. I had the original Burnt Face Man as my favourite flash for a good while, and the reason it stayed up there so long was because it was completely random and unlike anything you have ever done. It's hard to keep making "random" movies when they always focus around the same character. So I hope you do consider changing things up for your next few movies, as I am sure that they would be more than just "great".


Salad Fingers Episode 7 Salad Fingers Episode 7

Rated 4.5 / 5 stars

One-line summary? Nay.

Thats better, David.

Considering you are the "pioneer" of bizarre flash movies, I expected nothing less. It seemed as if you tapered off for a while, gradually becoming less and less shocking, and slipping into mediocrity. As someone who was around for the beginning of your submission career, and the original Salid Fingers, I have to say that "shock value" flashes become a craze on this website once you started submitting. Tens of rip-offs flooded the portal daily, in an attempt to capture some of your success.

But as these movies continued to be pumped out by random teenagers and no-gooders alike, the idea of holding a conversation with a mangled corspe became less and less.... "fucking cool". Of course, those who weren't exposed to newgrounds at a constant rate continued to find these movies quite shocking indeed, thus, production never stopped.

I've read many of your reviews over the course of the past year. It seems for every movie you make, a good batch of people write how they were disappointed, and expected stuff to be a tad bit more "fucked up". Naturally, one must keep their movies to a certain... "fucked up" level without crossing the line. This means that whatever you do, a great portion of your fans will no longer be satisfied with your work. Which is quite depressing, really.

I suggest you continue to make comedies. Or at least flashes with dark humor. However gifted you may be at maniacal storylines and absurd caricatures, I still believe that comedy is your forte. Since humor is always evolving, you will remain one of the best flash creators. The "shock value" fad will die eventually. Even though i still remain entertained...

The possibility of somebody besides a random kid stumbling upon my review is highly unlikely, and the chance that you yourself would actually bother to sift through most of the other shit people write here is doubtful. Such is the way of reviewing popular movies, yet I continue to do so. Fifteen minutes of my day are gone just so some jackass can scroll by my words and say, "Fuck this guy wrote a whole lot of shit".

Despite all of this, I wish you good luck on your endevours. The movie was great, although the genre is dying. I pray of you to continue your work in the comedic field, but whichever direction you chose you are bound to have fans anyways.


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WadeFulp: Internet Badass WadeFulp: Internet Badass

Rated 5 / 5 stars


I am here to congratulate you, you see. You got mixed up in your fair share of Star Syndicate shit, and i'm sure you faced a lot of persucution. From a person who has been asked to join the Star Syndicate by several users, I am glad that you managed to... arise.. from the mess of last month. The accusations of proxies was something that was bad, but nobody thought that the SS would actually consider ways of actually causing people's computers to crash, or whatnot. Hell, I knew you since your days before the SS, and at the time, I would always vote 10's on every flash they made. You were a good BBS'er, and I hope you at least attempt to make regular visits back there. I'd like to consider most of the Star Syndicate my friends still, although some of the shit they were talking about doing was a little extreme. Just make sure you continue to KEEP IT REAL, MAYUN.

About the movie, the graphics were actually somewhat impressive. I didn't know you could draw this well, and I obviously didn't see it from any of the daily2oons you made. It was pretty clean and crisp to watch, and there were no flashing .gifs of penises anywhere to be found. I loved the style. Any flash about Wade is usually quite humorous... usually... and this one was no exception. Everything in flash fit together beautifully, and caused me to go into convulsions of orgasms.

The sound was simply marvelous. I found the voice acting to be somewhat convincing, despite the fact that it sounded nothing like Wade. The music somehow fit so perfectly, that it felt as if a fucking studio was working on this flash, as opposed to your sexy ass. This movie didn't real suit any sort of violence, unless you decided to like, make Wade fly across America and attempt to assassinate all the Star Syndicate members.

Anyways, it was a swell flash, by a swell user. You've probably be getting a whole lot of flak getting mixed up with this sort of business, but it appears that your work will prevail regardless. Daily Feature is no easy feat, and I am quite impressed you managed to pull it off with such a short flash. You've got a lot of talent, my friend, just make sure you continue to use it in the future.


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f0d responds:

I'll address all of the issues you raised

I think you and I were very similar users in that we were both BBS regs who also loved the SS. I however acted on my impulses.
If you wanna know the truth, best decision I ever made.
Before the SS I never was able to finish any flashes and as a result my skills weren't improving at all. Daily2oons gave me the opportunity to:
A. make flashes that were funny, but didn't necesarily have the best graphics
B. get a lot of good practice in flash
C. improve my effeciency in flash making
Without the SS, I wouldn't be much as a flash author.
Not that I'm suggesting you should join... I don't think you're a flash author, are you?

Anyways, yes on to the flash. I tried to make these graphics especially good. LOL I still don't have a huge amount of artistic skill, but I think it gets the job done.
As for the voice acting, well I've only heard Wade one time, calling in to radiogrounds or something. He doesn't sound like this BUT he does sound like he COULD sound like this, if he were in a badass enough mood ;)
LOL but you would know better than me, you're his x-box live butt buddy or wuteva :P
The violence.. did you forget the boo boo on Wade's son's finger? :O
As for the flak I've been getting, yeaaah. About a week ago I got banned for "being so fucking Star Syndicate." Hehe... glad that's over. Anyways I don't care much about my e-reputation anymore. I'm just gonna stick to flashes.


lordofthematrixwars lordofthematrixwars

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars

More extreme than Bill and Ted

Well, to start off, this movie is in the most collections I have ever seen in my life. The block had like fucking 6 things in it man.

Anyways, I thought you covered the basic storyline of almost every video game and movie ever made. The idea of making a flash movie including nearly every pop culture character on newgrounds was a pretty unique idea, and I thought you executed it quite well, too. I mean, it was a great movie, but it still had a few flaws.

The graphics were good. I was actually quite impressed with the drawings. But you didn't really have any animation. At all. I mean, there were bascially two different backrounds, and the only thing that really ever moved were the mouths, and uh... Peach ripping off her top. So you could've used a little bit of work in that category. The style was awesome. Keanu Reeves has always been a hero in everybodies hearts, and we've all wanted to see as many fad crossovers as possible in one movie. You managed to parody a good number of plot twists and character personalities, and I found myself recalling several characters in different movies and games that seemed oddly similar, despite the fact that the flash was only a few minutes long.

The sound was pretty good. I thought that the extreme music in the backround suited the mood quite well, especially one about Keanu. The voice acting was relatively smooth, and I seemed quite convinced that if this was a movie with real actors, it would get rave reviews for the wonderful acting. In other words, the voice had deep feeling to them. And by deep feeling, I mean no feeling at all. Of course, this was intended, in order for you to properly parody the crappiness of usual actors. It could've used some violence, and I don't often find myself saying something like that often on this website. Considering almost every flash is based around somebody getting their heads chopped off...

It was a good flash. Very entertaining, and I thought you pulled of the parody quite well. I hope that this movie doesn't slip under the radar into complete mediocrity, because I found myself laughing throughout most of the stupid storyline. Great work, I hope you make another excellent adventure involving Keanu.