Listening to you stupid douchefucks blabbering about your stupid douchefuckian lives. Attempting to meander my own shitheaded remarks in to the festering cess pool of utter nonsense, hoping to be a sprig of parsley in a pile of coagulated feces.

It's been a slice folks.

;)

Your bum hair tickles me when I slide my throbbing man-meat inside you.

It was always a plan of mine.

There comes a point in time when the forums become clock-work, completely bland nonsense that has a repetition point of about a day. A point when every user feels that they've outgrown the humor and intelligence of Newgrounds. Unfortunately, I hit that point years ago.

Ever feel that you've seen every topic that could ever be made? I would often find myself skimming down the forums, guessing at the body of each topic as I read the titles. Predicting teenagers isn't a difficult thing to do, but I can't help but feel that there used to be a point in time when I would actually be surprised. A genuinely great topic is a rare occasion, and often the content of said topics is below lackluster, usually just a collaboration between several regulars spawning some sort of mindless meme for newbs to blurt out at any given opportunity.

Ever feel that regular conversation in real life is just a microcosm of a giant shitty forum? I would often find myself desperately trying to avoid speaking with anybody about the internet, as they most assuredly would spout some stupid nonsense about how funny youtube is, or why Chuck Norris could beat Jesus in a knife-fight. The clash between real life and the internet is dangerous, and after cleaning up the garbage that would fly off the fingers of monitor-glued pre-pubescent faggots I started to realize that they talk about the same unfunny bullshit as my less e-savvy friends. I became pretty disgusted that an internet forum ruined the humor of real life.

Ever feel that you don't really fit in with the general Newgrounds public? I often find myself trying to put faces to the names that I see on NG. When I first came to the forums, I had this beautiful vision that everyone on Newgrounds was socially normal and attractive. But as anyone who has spent more than a few months on the forums would know, the average user is a hideous large beast with the inability to cope in real life situations. Now, don't take offense to my materialistic judgmental views, but I would often find myself wondering why a personal like myself, with no aesthetic disabilities or obvious social stigmas, would even bother conversing about dicks and tits in the gutter of human intelligence. Although there are actually many beautiful and brilliant people, as dickish as it may sound, there really are more fucked up people on this forum, in much higher concentration than real life.

Ever feel that the general forum never changes? I often find myself disagreeing with those who say that "things were better" years ago. I personally believe it's only a matter of perception. When you were new to the forums, almost every topic seemed interesting in some way. I used to find myself laughing, and generally enjoying the time that I spent in General. After about a year, I realized that every topic ever made has already been done. Three times. Each six months, the BBS subconsciously resets, and the same dumb topics followed by the same unfunny parodies get made. Many users leave and never return, and the same personalities fill the void as newbs and new regs. Every user makes a topic about atheism, and every user ends up complaining that the forum went to shit.

Ever feel that the Newgrounds moderation staff is terrible? I often find myself questioning this when I read a topic complaining about it, and I usually dismiss it as just stubborn anti-authority teens angry that they can't post about cousin-fucking for a few days. Personally, I believe that the mods do a fine job, but it rarely shows. I spent years being a Newgrounds BBS janitor, and honestly, it will never be clean. Several of the moderators do a lovely job taking the piece of shit that the General forum is, and polishing it to a glimmering shine. It's quite difficult for most people to see the difference between two pieces of shit, but when you spend most of the time looking at BBS in it's rawest form, the lovely pine-scented version us mods created looks and feel different than the other. But in the end, it's still just a piece of shit.

Ever feel that you completely forgot why you joined Newgrounds? I often find myself wondering how the fuck I ended up on the forums, when the only reason I joined this website was to look at funny and artistic flashes. I remember staying up until the wee hours of the morning, going through the entire Top 50 flash movies and onward. I used to love the experimental mind-fuck flashes, and the silly slap-stick. It wasn't until a few days ago that I realized I hadn't even watched a flash movie in nearly six months.

Ever feel that you want to quit? I often find myself contemplating leaving,

Until now.

As you are well aware, the primary is approaching, and that means it's time to hit the campaign trail. As the frontrunner for the democratic party, I fully intend to take this nation in the right direction, or more appropriately, the left. The opposite of my opponent Mr. Fulp, although he is known to go both ways..

But enough pleasantries. For those of you still in the dark, running the republican ticket this year is Wade Fulp. He promises change, but the only change I envision is a regime change. It has been uncovered in recent days that not only does Mr. Fulp hate our troops, he's also quite possibly perhaps maybe somewhat to an extent involved in... terrorism. And revised health-care? That doesn't sound right at all, in fact, it sounds pretty left... far left, even. For more information, please read the following; http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/79 5360 .

A vote for Wade Josef S. Fulp is a vote for terror.

Vote Octagon or die.

... seriously, we'll kill you.

There isn't any.

Go fuck yourself, dickfag

:)